Why Can I Let Go?

Letting go has been one of the most difficult challenges I’ve ever faced. I honestly don’t know how to approach it—whether it’s because I can’t, I don’t want to, or I don’t know where to begin.

Throughout my life, I’ve been driven by fear. Fear has been my stronghold. But why? Don’t I have enough faith?

There have been countless sleepless nights when fear sneaks up on me. I remind myself of Jesus’ words: “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move.” Yet, even with these promises, I find myself doubting. Why do I let fear take over?

My mom is 98 years old and has dementia. I don’t fully understand what it’s all about, or maybe I refuse to accept it. I lost my dad 27 years ago, and that broke me. My world turned upside down. I was so hurt that I pushed away God and hurt my family along the way.

Years later, I returned to the Lord, began healing, and slowly forgave myself. During that time, I grew closer to my mom. She became my best friend—the one I’d turn to ever since my dad passed away.

But now, with her dementia, she can’t hold conversations or remember our chats. I call her at least three times a day, but she has no memory of our talks.

Many nights, lying awake, my heart aches with the thought that today might be our last conversation. My mom has outlived many family members and friends. Tonight, my daughter Liza wondered what’s keeping her here—could it be for me? If so, my mom needs to know I’ll be okay when she goes home to be with Jesus.

Would I be okay? Would I be able to be a big sister to my baby sister, who takes care of Mom? Or my baby brother, who lives far away?
Would I support my daughters, grandchildren, nieces, and nephews? Or would I fall apart, just like I did 27 years ago?

I don’t have all the answers, but I know the Lord does. Even amid my worries and fears, I hold onto Jesus’ words:

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”—Matthew 11:28-30 NIV.

Even in my darkest hours, Jesus never gave up on me. So no matter what happens, I know He will be by my side. He will give me the strength I don’t have; He will carry me when my heart and strength fail; He will be the anchor my soul needs, and the hope that one day I will see my father and mother again. Until then, I hold on to Jesus, who will never leave me nor forsake me.

 

Prayer:

Heavenly Father, here I am again, coming to you as my soul finds refuge and comfort in your arms. Only You, Father, know my innermost thoughts and aches.
Help my soul rest only on You. Be my anchor during these storms; help me find rest only in You. In Jesus’ name, amen.

 

Reference:

Chin, A. (2026). (New York). [Personal Collection].

Scripture quotations taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.